Just a quick one to catch you up on.
Did this one, from my memo about it I know it was a great relief, but there is no evidence to back me up.
It completely flushed itself, there was nothing to see here.
Wiping made me laugh though, all to be seen there was a wet brown dot, like a dog had been digging in the garden, and simply nuzzled it's nose on the tissue paper.
28/03/12
Sunday, 15 April 2012
No Leaf Clover
This one just kept going, it was full on, no messing about.
Started quickly, and only had a brief pause for thought, like carriages on a train, pulled along by the metaphorical freight train coming your way, it slipped out. I didn't have to go to any effort, because this thing had weight of it's own to get the job done.
Easy to wipe, not a terrible smell. Job done
Bristol rating; Type 3.
Personal, Surprising amount, and it wasn't terrible, 5.
27/03/12
Started quickly, and only had a brief pause for thought, like carriages on a train, pulled along by the metaphorical freight train coming your way, it slipped out. I didn't have to go to any effort, because this thing had weight of it's own to get the job done.
Easy to wipe, not a terrible smell. Job done
 |
| Sorry about making you tilt your head. I'm lazy, deal with it. |
Personal, Surprising amount, and it wasn't terrible, 5.
27/03/12
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Panning.
There are some truly awful things in this world, poverty, war, and doing a poo so terrible that you actually feel violated by the mere act of defecation.
Although it looks like it was a walk in the park, It misled me from the start. Several normal looking nuggets, although passing them was less straightforward.
My bum beard had somehow entwined itself to make a horrible mesh, that made this nigh on impossible. On two occasions i was forced to stop and control my breathing after going an unhealthy shade of red. It felt like pushing potatoes through a sieve, it was if i were a gold miner panning for a single pure nugget. Back to the potato comparison, it was also equally as hard to push out, like birth, i was glad when it was over.
Once the deed was done i was pleasantly surprised with the lack of any discernible smell, but left with the unpleasant burn you normally get after a hefty curry the night before.
Bristol stool chart rating; Type 3-4
Personal rating; 5.
26/3/12
Although it looks like it was a walk in the park, It misled me from the start. Several normal looking nuggets, although passing them was less straightforward.
My bum beard had somehow entwined itself to make a horrible mesh, that made this nigh on impossible. On two occasions i was forced to stop and control my breathing after going an unhealthy shade of red. It felt like pushing potatoes through a sieve, it was if i were a gold miner panning for a single pure nugget. Back to the potato comparison, it was also equally as hard to push out, like birth, i was glad when it was over.
Once the deed was done i was pleasantly surprised with the lack of any discernible smell, but left with the unpleasant burn you normally get after a hefty curry the night before.
 |
| Do excuse the hairs, they were ripped out with the potato/sieve situation. |
Bristol stool chart rating; Type 3-4
Personal rating; 5.
26/3/12
Friday, 6 April 2012
Poo Friend (Y)
I can honestly say this one took it out of me, there was a real connection between.
I'll put the picture in now, so you can fully admire it's glory and realise why i felt invested in it.
To say you can't polish a turd is a lie, (Mythbusters proved it), however, you wouldn't need to polish this one. Look at how smooth it is!!
It probably stank like hell, but god damn it's shiny. Judging from it's appearance i'd say it might of been a bit of a chocolate mousse to wipe, but i'm still keen on this one.
Bristol stool chart rating... Clearly type 4.
Personal rating; 9, i'm stoked on it's gleam!
(24/3/12)
I'll put the picture in now, so you can fully admire it's glory and realise why i felt invested in it.
To say you can't polish a turd is a lie, (Mythbusters proved it), however, you wouldn't need to polish this one. Look at how smooth it is!!
It probably stank like hell, but god damn it's shiny. Judging from it's appearance i'd say it might of been a bit of a chocolate mousse to wipe, but i'm still keen on this one.
Bristol stool chart rating... Clearly type 4.
Personal rating; 9, i'm stoked on it's gleam!
(24/3/12)
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Splash Damage.
I remember nothing of this one, but the picture paints a thousand words, i know for a fact that this one probably ruined my day.
A spray after something that resembled the monstrosity that is caused by hitting a tomato with a tennis racket. Chunks everywhere, and a messy racket.
Wiping was more than an effort, well versed in this routine, it was similar to brown sauce, making a mess, and forcing me into the shower.
Stool chart rating; Type 5, with the consistent spray of 7.
Personal rating; 2, Very tired with all these messy happenings.
Happy wiping. 23/3/12
A spray after something that resembled the monstrosity that is caused by hitting a tomato with a tennis racket. Chunks everywhere, and a messy racket.
Wiping was more than an effort, well versed in this routine, it was similar to brown sauce, making a mess, and forcing me into the shower.
Stool chart rating; Type 5, with the consistent spray of 7.
Personal rating; 2, Very tired with all these messy happenings.
Happy wiping. 23/3/12
Panama..
Apologies for the length of time between posts, i've been pretty busy, shit happens.. regularly.
This one was quite necessary, before a 16 hour shift this one had to make an appearance.
As far as i remember, it did naught but hurt me, but also amuse at the same time.
Like the Panama canal, pushing this one out was like squeezing a very large vessel through a very tight passage.
It left me winking, (and i'm not talking about my face...) quite painful on the whole, but reasonably speedy.
Easy to wipe, but painful, the ordeal had the same affect on my sphincter as throwing an Xbox 360 down the stairs... Red Ring of Death. However, this is considerably less costly.
Bristol Stool chart rating; Type 1,2 and 3. Across the board.
Personal rating; the size and variety made this one amuse me greatly. 8 out of 10.
22/3/12
This one was quite necessary, before a 16 hour shift this one had to make an appearance.
As far as i remember, it did naught but hurt me, but also amuse at the same time.
 |
| It was strangely a lot wider than it seems. |
Like the Panama canal, pushing this one out was like squeezing a very large vessel through a very tight passage.
It left me winking, (and i'm not talking about my face...) quite painful on the whole, but reasonably speedy.
Easy to wipe, but painful, the ordeal had the same affect on my sphincter as throwing an Xbox 360 down the stairs... Red Ring of Death. However, this is considerably less costly.
Bristol Stool chart rating; Type 1,2 and 3. Across the board.
Personal rating; the size and variety made this one amuse me greatly. 8 out of 10.
22/3/12
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)