Over the past 6 months i have failed to provide new content for the blog! Not in the sense that I've been storing my faeces, more in the fact that i didn't keep up with my posts!
Shit happens, daily, and that makes it hard to come up with consistently humorous similes and metaphors about poo. In not wanting to let down you, the readers, with inadequate puns..i did worse. I failed to post at all.
However, a new year has once again inspired me to continue. There may not always be pictures, there may not always be epic detail. But there will be the vital stats, "top trumps - poo edition" if you like.
If i remember correctly, 2013 didn't kick off as early as you'd hope after a night based solely on drinking. In fact, the first dump i remember taking this year didn't poke it's head out until the 4th of January.
Perhaps the alcohol was keeping the shit drunk and it couldn't find it's way to the out, maybe i was too drunk and i just can't remember doing one beforehand.
The fella that did emerge first was definitely drunk though, he was the straggler left at the bar when everyone went home. Smelly, no friends and a real disappointment. I can't remember enough about it to rate or describe it more.
The next few days bought with it a series of unfortunate events, (hopefully lawyers don't pull my pants down for that), but indeed they did. I think the brussel sprouts did me in.
A routine excursion to the pub bought me to my knees, (in a more vertical fashion, with my cheeks firmly on the seat). Probably the worst thing to happen in the pub, having a huge shit that doesn't really wipe convincingly.
Smell on that bad boy.. solid 8.
Consistency.. bit of type 2, with some lingering type 5 getting in on the action.
Wipe, obviously not scoring highly, 3 maybe 4 out of 10.
Keep checking back, I've got several more that i could write on this post, but they deserve their own!
Peas out.
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