12.

I should apologise for the lack of updates recently, after leaving it for a while ones mind becomes a catastrophic mess after trying to write about 30 or so dumps.


Waiting is only ever good when you know you're getting something at the end of it, waiting to void your bowels is less amusing, waiting 12 hours during a shift at work is even further from fun. In fact, it's painful, don't do it unless you have to. 

Shoddy lighting, my bad...

As you can see, my battery was dying after such a long day, so no flash, bad times.


It was a pretty dry beast, making it a bit more tricky to shove out, and after the wait I was rather convinced this should be a quick process, so I could move on with my day.


It didn't smell so raw, which is a positive, however, it looks like a sex toy, a massive negative. In fact, it's just wrong. 


It left me feeling hollow, allowing the perfect opportunity to eat a horse, but alas, there was no horse. 


Bristol rating; 3


Personal rating; 5, average poop.


22/4/12

Slush Poopy

Fun Fun Fun, every poo has a story, but this one eludes me, the pictures tell a thousand words, many of them being unanswerable questions or expletives, but after the initial shock you realise you can't un-see what i've shown you, and accept it for what it is...

A messy dump always raises more questions than normal, for instance, what went wrong that day, how is he still alive, and why is he still alive, i wish he was dead for showing me that picture!

Apologies for the tilt, live the dream though.

It stank, obviously, more than usual though, and as you can probably guess, the clean up operation was a 2 man job, although i would probably never accept help from another human with that effort, not until i'm incapable and in a care home. 


Bristol rating; 4-5


Personal rating; 6 - Could of been worse, smell was bad, but i'm used to that, it's an occupational hazard.


19/4/12

Eggs a la Crap...

How do you like your eggs in the morning? I like them to actually be eggs, and I like my shit to feel like shit, not like the meal I ate in the first place...


At the time of departure this felt like it was necessary, on reflection, i wish it wasn't. It felt truly disgusting to be a part of this process. It actually felt like I was passing scrambled eggs, and I can assure you, it was vile. As for the smell, it matched the texture, it was horrendous, and aggressive, it kept attacking until the moment I left the room.

As you can see, these look like they've been coated in some sort of viscous fluid, (You know when you crack a egg, and it sort of flows, but it doesn't quite? It looks like it was a semi-fluid protection, as if the poo were the yolk, and this gunk was the egg white, bad times. Just awful...)


As you can guess, some of this viscosity wiped off on exit, making wiping difficult, but not impossible, merely close to..


Bristol rating; 5


Personal rating; 7, it was interesting, I like having something to write about.




18/4/12

Hibernation

A fairly uneventful poo, plenty of smell, and plenty of wiping. But i've come to expect nothing less. Anything but is just a pleasant surprise.


A couple of weasels sleeping in their den, all snuggled and brown, is the exact comparison I would make to these fellows. 

I can always tell how bad the wipe was by the colour, and this autumnal array is only bad news, it's generally a reminder that it was soft and unforgiving. 


And the smell is normally worse when they come out like Mr Whippy, so it's safe to say this was unpleasant at best.


Bristol rating; 5


Personal; 4.




17/4/12

Phallus in Wonderland

Before anyone says i'm overly sick for comparing this to a man dick, just look at it.

Let's just examine it...

...Done?

Clearly a dick of sorts.

Normal poo really, just came out looking a bit "cocky"..

Bristol rating; 4

Personal; 6. Easy all rounder, no problems for me.

Sorry there wasn't much write-up on that one, but sometimes pictures just speak volumes.

16/4/12

Brown Frown.

Not much memory of this one to be perfectly honest, but I can see that it was a mess, and I know it probably smelled terrible, judging by the colour of the water, it was probably a tough wipe, and i'm pretty sure this isn't my toilet, so... many mysteries to be unravelled.

Serious discolouration, must of been pungent bro...

Bristol rating; 4


Personal rating; 5..hard to rate as i have no memory of it.




14/4/12

Stool Runnings

It was a sad day when i returned to crapping fingers of fudge, and filling the bottom of the pan.


Another time when i've been sat there a while and it just keeps flowing, although it wasn't a time when it was awkward to do so, it isn't the greatest of feelings to crap through a sieve. 


Easy to do, not so easy to wipe, they leave inevitable moisture, which just makes more mess than you'd think. And they smell far worse, making them a chore at the best of times.

A barrel of laughs...No.

From the pictures, i can vaguely remember that I could probably have paved a road with what i wiped from this one, or at least fix a pothole or two.


Smell, bad, very bad. Don't get too close to the bowl, or even the bathroom, do it, leave the house, let someone else find it, regale with laughter when they tell you the story of how they found it.


Bristol. 5-6


Personal.. 4.




13/4/12